I am an Ugly Perfectionist

I really don’t consider being a perfectionist as something good. I actually hate it. And I can only assume that other people do as well.

  1. It is so incredibly difficult to try new things, especially activities and hobbies, since as you can imagine, if I’m not immediately good, or if I don’t make fast progress towards being good, I get upset. It’s just super frustrating when I am trying to do something and I can’t do it. Even if I know in my head that I am going to get better over time if I keep practicing, I get upset and quit. This is quite obvious with instruments I’ve tried to learn, like guitar and piano. They were too difficult, and I had no one forcing me to do them, so I gave up. Or another example is drawing. I just don’t do it enough, so when I try to do it and can’t I go through the cycle of frustration and anger and giving up.
  2. I get so obsessed with the “perfection” part of anything I do commit myself to, that I end up spending way too much time and effort on it, only to end up unsatisfied or unappreciated. This leaves me feeling very unhappy, either due to my reaction to what I made, or an underwhelming reaction from other people. But I can not put it on other people to make me feel good about myself and my want for perfection. Nothing in this world is perfect, and the more I try the more I fall into that toxic cycle again.

Life as a perfectionist is about always fighting the instinct to either give up immediately or obsess over one particular thing. Eventually, I hope this inner conflict will help my perfectionist tendencies dissipate. Because living a happy and productive life, is better than unhealthy obsession.

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